Monday, January 17, 2011

Halcion: thou art mighty

Wisdom teeth: any of the third molars, usually appearing in the late teens, early 20s;

Impacted wisdom teeth:  those growing in horizontally, or in any other odd positions, that would impact the other teeth and would need to be removed

Anxiety:  adaptive response to an impending danger that is integral to an organism's ability to cope with or avoid a stress (Pham, X. 2009 ) :D

Halcion:  generic name = triazolam; a benzodiazapine derivative with sedative and hypnotic properties.  It was used to treat insomnia but is not popular now as it is known to have a high dependency rate and has some pretty terrible side-effects.  It is still used by dentists, however, when they need their patients to be completely and utterly knocked out for procedures, such as, oh I don't know... wisdom teeth extractions, maybe?

1/7/11: My original appointment for the four extractions.  I chickened out and had to reschedule.


1/13/11: I picked up some prescriptions from the pharmacy that the dentist's office called in for me. Instructions: take one Halcion before going to bed.  Done.  While on the phone after taking the pill, I mentioned that I didn't feel anything, no drowsiness, no sedation.  I said that I was worried the medication wasn't working, and that I would be awake for the procedure the following day.  I don't remember the rest of the conversation, and I was only told later that I fell asleep in the middle of talking on the phone.

1/14/11: Instructions: take 2 Halcion pills one hour before appointment.  I took the 2 little blue pills at 9am, and laid down to watch some TV before being picked up for the dentist.  I don't remember what I watched.  I vaguely remember answering the phone at 9:30am.  As my mom recalls, she heard a huge thud from upstairs at around that time, so I'm guessing that I must have fallen out of my bed.  I remember nothing else.  Per my sister's recollection, she saw me stagger and stumble down the stairs like a drunkard, swaying heavily as I walked, and stopped at the front door to look outside.  Supposedly, I was laughing all the way down as I muttered something.  I then turned to her, and fell backwards on the ground, and laid there laughing.  She helped me up and walked me outside, where my bf took over and helped me into the car.  Apparently I screamed at him for not closing the car door fast enough, because I was cold.  Again, I remember nothing!

At the dentist's office, I stumbled in and fell into the chair.  He took a look at me, and proceeded to crush up my 2 remaining Halcion pills, and told me to drink up.  It was all black after that.  I have some blurry memories of a gas mask being put on me, and that at some point in time, I had to use the bathroom.  I recall the dentist yelling out to my bf my teeth status: "2 out, 2 more to go!"  I remember my nose itching and scratching it.  Two hours later, I remember at the end when I was coming out of it, that through my gauze-filled mouth, I asked if I can keep my teeth. 

I don't remember the drive home, or how I got back into bed.  I woke up, or was woken up, periodically to changed my bloody gauze pads.  And I slept.  I slept like the dead.  At one point I remember the pain being excruciating on the right side of my jaw (he had some trouble with that tooth) and was crying.  Good thing the doc gave me some hydrocodone.  I managed to be awake for a bit to put down some applesauce, but it came back up, along with some chunks of brown blood that I'm guessing I swallowed during the procedure.

I'm most thankful for the Halcion for getting me through the procedure.  One of the things I was most anxious about was not the pain during the procedure; I was sure they would make it so I wouldn't feel anything.  What I was worried about was whether or not I would be awake, and so would be able to hear the drills, the cracks, the cutting & sawing.  And also, if I was awake, I would smell the burning of the drills and the flesh, and that is more freaky to me than anything else.  So, to have no recollection of the two hours I spent in the dentist chair is a blessing.  As for the other stuff, I wish there was a way I could watch myself tumble about that Friday morning. 

One of the reasons Halcion is no longer being used to treat insomnia is because of its effects the following nights.  Halcion has a tendency to cause rebound insomnia, in which case more drugs are needed to treat the problem.  Although I was only on the drug for a short time, I took into my system 5 pills at 0.25mg apiece in the span of about 12 hours.  I slept gloriously through the procedure, and for the rest of the day, through most of the pain.  However, that night, I could not sleep a wink.  My eyes refused to shut, and my brain would not slow down.  I ended up staying awake the entire night, watching YouTube videos and perusing the internet.  Even the next day I was not sleepy, and had to force myself to nap in the afternoon.  I think by now the Halcion is cleared out of my system, and I'm relieved to have my sleep back.

Halcion: don't underestimate the power of these tiny blue pills!

On another related note: my cheeks swelled up to twice the size of my face.  I looked like a chipmunk that has stumbled on a stash of nuts in the middle of recession.  My sister laughs as she tells me I shouldn't be holding candy in my mouth anymore.  I got some sympathetic chuckles at work today for the cheeks.  On the bright side, I know what I'll look like if I ever gain 20 more pounds... very bloated.

Monday, January 10, 2011

It is no coincidence that my last post for 2010 happened to also be when I started my new job.  As they say, the more you have to write about, the less time you have to write down those thoughts.  After coming home from work, I feel so drained.  I don't know how other people do it, juggling a full-time job, attending night school, raising a family, nursing a baby, curing cancer... all at the same time.  All I feel like doing when I come home is vegetate.  It's not that I don't have stuff I want to write about, it's just difficult finding the energy & the motivation to articulate my thoughts.  And also, it probably doesn't help that I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to posting.  It's obvious I'm not going for the Pulitzer, but I have a tendency to be over-analytical about what I compose, and so I tend to over-edit, and so the whole process is that much more tedious.  But it shouldn't be tedious. This should be a therapeutic medium for me to express my opinions, no matter how biased or imperfect.  So... no more reading & re-reading, and re-re-reading, and over-editing!  Who's really going to check my sentence structure anyways?!  Write when I feel inspired, and post when I feel like it, no matter how imperfect my writing may be.

Topics dancing in my head:
- Pygmy hippos
- Blue balls
- Books!
- "Hose to the sky"
- feeding a lion rice
-toilet seats
-cystic fibrosis
-Caribbean
-E-Z Squeezy
-Ad sense?
-... and so much more.  Just have to get to it!

Monday, January 3, 2011

2011 ... Really? Really.

Just when I finally got used to dating everything 2-0-1-0, I now have to remember to date everything 2-0-1-1.  It seems like 2010 was just a blink ago...

January: brand spanking new baby nephew, fresh beginning with a new job, AVATAR!!!
February: massive snow storm, a very special Chinese New Year/V-day, sore butt from ice-skating missteps, international spies
March: more snow, Alice, aloft, I get to know
April:  flower-filled, cherry blossoms frenzy, gardens adventure, Canal walk,
May:  weekend getaways, I know more
June:  b-day celebrations, SixFlags, watermelons, kiss & makeup
July: National Zoo, Maryland blue crabs binge, Fireworks!!! unforgettable weekend getaways
August: Unbelievable b-day weekend that makes me believe in fairy tales again
September:  Fabulous Labor day weekend, horrors of human greed, an anniversary of something that has "feet" stamped all over it, fried oreos,
October: skyline drive, Lurray caverns, fall is for lovers
November: apple picking, Thomas Jefferson's home, exceptional dumplings! HARRY POTTER madness, Thanksgiving warmth, post-Thanksgiving craziness with midnight shopping on Black Friday; anticipation
December: blue blue blue waters of the Caribbeans, floating in St. Thomas, snorkeling in St. Lucia, balcony explorations, food binges, Xmas small but fulfilling, too short a staycation.

I had a beautiful 2010.  It was filled with adventures, fun, and most important, LOVE.  If there was a word to describe 2010, it would be love.  Sheer. Pure. Love.  2010 was also filled with food.  Lots of food.  I ate at so many new places and tried so many new dishes.  On the cruise alone, I ate enough food for 3 people.  I officially pronounce 2011 as the year in which I am no longer a size 0; I am officially a 2.... now if only I can strategically direct the placement of fat...

For 2011, I hope it will bring more joy and love, more experiences that I can tell to my grand-kids when I'm old and wrinkled. My resolutions... I used to not believe in this whole resolutions thing, because it seemed a bit contrived to make a list of changes only because it is the new year; why not any other time?  But I've come to not be so picky and snobby.  New year, new slate, new start.  Beautiful.

Resolutions:
1.  Write more often, at least 1 post per week.
2.  Spend less!!! no more spontaneous shopping sprees, no more impulsive buys.
3.  Keep organized: no more hoarding of junk, give away more stuff, thin out closet
4.  Use up more products
5.  Keep up with friends
6.  Drink more water
7.  Procrastinate less
8.  Pictures: take more, learn PS skillz, make prints
9.  More tree-hugging.
10. More nerd.

 Of course there are more things I could add to that list that I think would make me a better person, but I'll keep it there for now.  It's important to keep the list doable and reasonable! 

2011.  Je suis pret.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

After a long period of exceptional laziness when I basically lived out the life of a hibernating bear, when the most productive thing I did in the span of an entire day was chew some food... I finally decided to not further waste away my life, and actually DO something. So earth-shattering it's shocking.

My best bet? Put the piece of paper I got from my university to good use... by that I mean turn it over and brainstorm on the backside... OR use it to apply for a job. Hard choice, but I was pressured into the latter. Indeed, four years of studying is not a total waste after all! It got me an interview at a private lab company!

Interviews are disgusting. I despise them. It's all about pretenses and facades, all to try to sell yourself. I suppose it's a necessary evil... like government... but still, I hate it. Nevertheless, I donned a fresh suit, crisp shirt, put on my lady heels, did my hair nice, painted my face, and hobbled to the office.... all in the hopes that my first impression would be a hire-me impression. I tried to sound competent, I nodded a lot, furrowed my eyebrows as if his words were the most innovative thing I've heard in all my life. To much my surprise, it worked. Who knew?! I should flatter myself and say that I was hired due to my overwhelmingly qualified abilities and exceptional charm. But, I know better than to think that... I was hired because lab rats are easy to train, and I am a trained lab rat. :)

I'm excited to do something new, to be productive, and to learn. I'm excited to contribute something, even if it's to some bigger corporate company where my existence equals that of plankton. I'm excited to meet new people, and learn new gossips.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Elizabeth Tailor

I have two older sisters, and the greatest tragedy we three see in our relationship is the terrible fact that we each are a different size. Even in shoes! In an ideal situation, three sisters should be able to triple each others' closet size... naturally. Not so much. My oldest sister is most womanly, my middle sister used to be no bigger than my pinkie, and I'm somewhere in the middle. Such a tragedy indeed.

Anyhow, I had helped my oldest sister clean out her closet. In the process, I managed to get her to admit her addiction with shopping and her high affinity for pants. (The first step is admitting the problem, right?) I also managed, to my great surprise & hers, to find some of her old pants that were actually decent on me! It looked like it only needed to be taken in some at the waist. They were too nice to be thrown out, but too small for her to ever fit again. We figured that it would make much more sense for me to get them altered, then if I went out and bought new pants... as I'd probably have to get those altered as well. Oh the woes of being a girl... blech.

We got to the tailor with my bag of pants... she was a friend of my sister, and supposedly super talented. We gossiped on the way there, and my sister warned me that Elizabeth, the tailor, was very tiny. In her own words, she said Elizabeth was only slightly bigger than my 6 year old niece.... a gross exaggeration, but it made us laugh like hyenas in the car.

When we got in the shop, the front desk was empty, so we just waited. Then out of the corner of my eye, I spied a figure emerging from a room... and I was sure my eyes bugged out of my head. It was a guttural reaction... at meeting someone so small. At most she could be 4'7... give or take an inch. She's also nearing 50, minus one or two years. Her body certainly doesn't show her age, and her face is very beautiful. She carried her long black hair with great pride, you can tell... from the way she swished them about.

As I stood there to be pinned and tucked, I thought: here was a woman who greatly valued youth. Her height, or lack thereof, had actually become an asset. She couldn't change what genes she inherited, so she embraced them and made the best of the situation. Her face was taut. Her hair was long and shiny. Aside from genetics, what really convinced me of her devotion to youth was the way she dressed. She glided about almost weightlessly in what I imagine can be girl's jeans, folded up at the hem line. She wore a bubble gum pink & white striped thin sweater, which is not unlike one of the shirts I've bought for my niece. In the dead of winter, she had simply flip flops on her feet... with some socks. I'm positive that a stranger who saw Elizabeth from the back would no doubt mistaken her for a 13 year old girl. The kicker is not how young Elizabeth could pass for; the true kicker is that Elizabeth gets a kick out of such situation!

I think she's one of the few Asian people I know whose age has not catch up with her youth. I think in her old age, she will still be mistaken for a young girl, if not by her natural looks then by the way she presents herself. That's something to be proud of, I suppose. Women all over the world want to keep their youth as long as possible. We slather stuff on our faces, pop pills, inject toxins in the lines, pump our lips with butt fat, spackle on the make-up... all in the hopes of stemming the aging process. Who doesn't want to look younger?! Seriously!

At 23, I don't have many woes of aging... just yet. I do play with makeup & what not because it makes me feel pretty. But I can't help but see an incongruity in Elizabeth... a 40-something woman who could pass for a teen. Somehow that doesn't seem all that glamorous to me. When I'm 40-something, I would consider it a compliment when someone tells me I look great... maybe I'd blush when they think I'm a few years younger than I actually am. I think I would actually turn tomato red and be completely mortified if at that age, someone stops me in the store and asks me if I'm allowed to be there without my parents. Youth is awesome. But being carded past a certain age is just ridiculous. But that's just me.

I get my pants back in a few weeks. I hope they fit.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

All that is gold does not glitter

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king. -- J.R.R.Tolkien