Reflections

And so Noel 2009 has come and passed. It seems almost ridiculous now that Christmas is over... I mean all that anticipation and preparation during the holiday season for this one day. And it passes by so quickly. I swear if I blink I'll miss it.

Because my niece and nephews are 3 very crafty rug-rats, there isn't a part of the house that is safe from their little, but o-so-nimble, hands. And so whatever gifts and knickknacks we buy for them has to stay inside the car trunk until the very last minute. On the day before Christmas they were trembling with giddy. Where was Santa? What toy is he going to bring? How will he get down the chimney? When we watched the SantaTracker, their eyes bugged out and their jaws dropped. Lucky for me, one of the stories we read specified that Santa does not visit houses where children were still awake. That hushed them up pretty well, and they actually trampled on each other on the way to brush their teeth and get to bed... all the while giggling like mad. To be sure, I waited an hour after they were in bed before braving the icy driveway to get to the car to lug in the toys. Then there was the business of wrapping the stuff, bows & whatnot, and then sneaking it under the tree.

Such an elaborate operation. Why do we do it? All because of them and their smiles in the morning as they tear through the wrapping. What took me close to an hour to wrap they manage to rip & open through in a matter of minutes. As I sat there and watch the flurry of papers and bows flying about, the MasterCard commercial plays in my head.

Bows: $1
Wrapping Paper: $7
Toys (some that will be broken & lost within the hour) : $359
Squeals in opening a present from Santa: Priceless

My niece and nephews are, without a doubt, more spoiled than 3 day old milk left in the sun. Spoiled as in they are free to be children and still have that childhood innocence that goes away too early in this day and age. I have somewhat a biased view because of my childhood. Growing up in Vietnam my family struggled, really struggled, for everything that we had. My sisters and I knew of no Christmases, birthdays, or any other holidays... except Chinese New Year. We'd get a red envelope that day with some money inside, for luck.

I don't ever want them to have to experience the hardships that we did. I'm happy to give them what I didn't have, for them to have the happiest childhood memories, and for them to be children as long as they can... even if that means telling them that some white-bearded jolly old man goes around the world delivering gifts to every single child in a mere day by way of flying reindeer. I guess in a way I'm reliving my childhood through them, vicariously. It's not so bad, I don't think. But I do worry sometimes that they do grow up to take things for granted. I make it a point to show them the other side of life, the not so glittery side that they don't know... but it's hard to comprehend, I know.

Anyways, 2009 will be over in a few short days. I can't believe it. It's been a bittersweet year. How I've gotten here still puzzles me...

January: Heartache
February: Rebuilding a wall
March: Snow fight; Bahama sunshine
April: Easter egg hunt & some awkwardness
May: I have a Bachelor's Degree! Yay!
June: Strenuous brain work-out
July: Judgment day & failure of expectations; the start of Vietnam
August: Discovery, exploration, indulgence, & reunion in the mother country
September: Recuperating; finally face to face; patiently waiting
October: Excitement, butterflies; death.
November: Mission Search & Salvage; London Bridge; heartache; mourning; despair; loneliness.
December: Sadness; The Mask of Cheers; Christmas happiness; moving forward.

Is it fate where we end up in life? Maybe 10%-ish. We all go through life making choices for ourselves. In retrospect some choices were probably better than others. But there is no magic crystal ball for us to know right then and there the consequences of our actions. And even if such thing exists, life is still unpredictable and mysterious... enough so that sometimes I feel thrown for an unexpected loop (don't we all?). But I'll survive by making the best of what I have, and smiling (or trying to) in the process... because there's always hope for happiness. Case in point: In the midst of November's tornado, I had totally forgotten that I became a published first author! So, as unpredictable and twisted I think life can be, I believe that we can/should/ought to laugh and then laugh some more, because in the end everything will work itself out. What is the logical basis for my belief?... I have none.

So, 2010... Bring it on. Take me for a spin. Make me smile.