Back in summer of 2010, before I embarked on moving and entering graduate school, I scoured the internet for Ph.D. blogs. I wanted to excite myself with personal stories of grad students living the graduate life. I imagined that there would be loads of stories about epiphanies made in labs, philosophical discussions with professors that alters a person's life direction, or at the very least, there had to be horror stories about how difficult and grueling graduate life must be. Yet, I found scarce blogs about people's Ph.D. journeys. Perhaps these are obscure blogs and Google isn't very good at hitting them; or perhaps my I need graduate school to teach me better Googling skills. However, what I've come to realize after being in graduate school (for a mere semester) is this: the paucity of Ph.D. blogs is due to the fact that Ph.D. students don't have time to write blogs.
Here's how it went down:
September: shallow end of the pool. I had to show up every other day for presentations by professors on what it is they do in their lab and decide whose lab I would be interested in for a rotation. Then I had a "class" where we discussed the history of genetics through old seminary papers. The real class started somewhere at the end of September.
October: Wadding knee-deep in the pool. Two classes occupied my mornings: Molecular Biology & Genetics, and Fundamentals of Genetics. Lab work occupied my days. Class problem sets (i.e. homework) occupied my nights and weekends.
November: Up-to-my-nose-one-more-inch-and-I-will-drown level of the pool. Now as I sit here eating my Nissin Cup Noodles (favorite food for when I can't sleep), I realize the almost drowning bit may be a slight exaggeration. However, it truly felt that serious two months ago, and for good reason. I spent a week of my time studying for the MBG test, which turned out to be a total curveball for which nobody could have prepared. I spent another week riding the waves of depression from disappointment and the overwhelming fear that I had failed and would have to repeat this hell next year. In this midst, problem sets were making me loose my sanity, and the graduate student I was working with in the lab was being a royal PITA. I swore, one more inch of water and I go under. The only saving grace was Thanksgiving (and that I managed to pass the MBG class with a B).
December: Chest-deep; I-can-breathe-comfortably-but-the-pressure-is-ever-present level of the pool. The debacle of the MBG surprisingly was a pressure reliever. Perhaps it was because I realized that if I could do so poorly on a test and still leave with a B, then all hope is not lost; I can still redeem myself. Although, had I not passed I might be making a different set of opinions. Fundamentals of Genetics was drawing to a close, the outcome of the test which I took is still TBA. Bioinformatics class puts me to sleep. Lab meeting was painful. And then Christmas came, wrapped in pretty papers and tied with a shiny bow.
I suppose if I really wanted to write, I would make the time to write. It isn't a lack of ideas of which to flesh out into words; rather, it is my mind being so constipated with lectures and problem sets and lab presentation and data charts and journal articles that when I had any opportunity to unblock, I would indulge in mindless entertainment like YouTube makeup videos and dirty reality TV (Snooki and Deena charging into a bush was utterly entertaining).
I had expected myself to write more frequently about my journey in as a graduate student. I had the image of being in a lab, waiting for a reaction to complete, and updating my blog about what type of reaction I was running and how cool/miserable I felt at that moment. Yet the image that I've created so far is of a constipated grad student ears leaking of genetics tidbits sitting in front of a rerun of Jersey Shore eating instant Cup Noodles. And strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope the Situation runs into another wall soon, and I do mean a real, actual, literal wall.
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