Stage 5 of My Makeup Evolution: Acceptance and Curation

I've been meaning to give closure to this Makeup Evolution for months now, but was caught up with schoolwork, labwork, and of course studying for my oral comprehensive exam.  I had made up my mind that this little blog was going to take a back seat until after at least June 4... but as of right now, 9:27pm 5/25/13 I declare myself incapable of studying for a while.  I seek reprieve from studying by closing up a gap in my blog.

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The stages of my makeup evolution so far:
Stage 1: Makeup to cover up
Stage 2: The power of makeup aka. "Makeup can do that?!"
Stage 3: Collect all the makeup
Stage 4: The purge

I started out not knowing anything about makeup and used it as a way to change my appearance to "fit in." I then discovered that makeup can be used to enhance, not alter.  And then I went crazy filling my cravings with everything makeup.  It took some time, but the age-old adage rang true: Quality over quantity.  I began purging my collection of things that were just things, items that had no quality to them that would make me feel good using it.  The purge and the self-imposed makeup diet really allowed me to assess what was worth keeping and what was worth adding.  In short, by going through these previous stages I have arrived at a sense of acceptance: I have allowed myself to feel healthy about my hobby with makeup and beauty.

I accept that I have a love with all that is makeup and beauty related.  I accept that this love is probably more than what the average woman has for her own makeup; however, I am realistic enough to also know that my love will never surmount some other people's addiction to this stuff (i.e. girls on YouTube and the blogosphere).  Does my obsession with makeup make me vain?  Sure, I can admit to being vain.  I like to look pretty, put-together, and polished.  Who wouldn't?!  But through this evolution, I've come to realized that wanting to look pretty and having a little vanity is not a weakness of my womanhood.  Having a little vanity is not a fault, rather it is what motivates me to put effort into making myself look, and feel, better.

This acceptance puts to rest two struggles I had before.  The first struggle being that liking makeup and taking time to put on makeup was somehow contradictory to being a strong, independent woman.  I'm not quite sure where this notion got ingrained in me, but I had felt that I first needed to put my time into academics and family to make sure those ends were met before I could take time to make myself feel good.  Somehow it wasn't okay in my mind to take time to put on powder and blush if those other more significant things in life hadn't been taken care of.  And it is true that in the grand scheme of things, makeup matters zero.  But if I put effort into everything else, why would putting effort into my appearance lessen my ability to be a strong independent woman?  Why should it diminish anything?  Through these stages, I've come to realize that liking makeup doesn't make me that superficial woman of my fears; rather I feel empowered by makeup.

The second struggle that I felt was between my consumerist-driven desire to acquire goods, and my practical (and somewhat frugal) nature.  After discovering the power of makeup, I went on a collecting spree, gathering anything and everything makeup.  Granted, I was still frugal in what I collected, but I still ended up spending a lot of money.  This blind hauling served to show me what waste comes from amassing quantity and not quality.  More positively, though, it gave me a chance to try out different items and figure out what works and what doesn't work for me specifically.  I would argue that had I not tried so many things, I would still have been curious and would not have reached this stage yet.  Through trying out all those different things, I've come to have a much better idea of my tastes and what would suit my skin type and skin tone.  It was an educational experience in both regards, and I don't regret having gone through it, so I give myself a pass for having spent money on those products that I ended up giving away or tossing.  Given that I've accepted my obsession with makeup, it's unrealistic to not allow myself to indulge in my hobby.  However, having gone through these changes, I am much more discerning on what I add to my collection.  I will not buy something just because it's the latest and greatest.  I will not buy something solely based on rave reviews; it must also be something truly unique and something that will suit me.

In this last phase, I will work on curating my collection, just as a curator of a museum, to a state where everything I have should have a purpose and reason for being in my collection.  What I have now could still be trimmed down some more (summer project).  I want to end up with a collection wherein I know the pieces will perform well for me and that will make me feel good using it.  In this quest, my collection will grow some and shrink some.  But that's another reason why makeup is such a fun hobby!

Stage 4 of My Makeup Evolution: The Purge

After I discovered makeup and YouTube I think I spent an entire year collecting makeup treasures.  The small 3-tier Sterilite container I once had no longer fit everything; I had to upgrade to a 10-drawer cart to store all the blushes and eyeshadows and lipsticks that I had amassed.  I still remember the night that I sat down to re-organize all of my items in this new drawer system... I remember feeling giddy, euphoric almost, like a pirate in front of his loot, only mine were multitudes of blushers and eyeshadow palettes.  Once I had everything organized the way I had always imagined it to be, I would pull out drawers at random and just admire the beauty it held.  It was perfect.

And for a short while I was content with my gold.  It brought me joy in the morning to walk over to my treasure chest and casually decide which lucky product would get used that day.  But then I quickly realized I kept choosing the same products over and over again while neglecting the others.  I knew which ones were buttery and full of pigment, which ones did not exaggerate my oily complexion, which ones stayed on all day... and these were the ones I gravitated towards.

As this discrimination process began, so the guilt started to slowly settle in.  Each day that I pulled out the drawers, instead of eliciting giddy I began to feel sad for the stuff that never got used.  I even attempted to make amends with my conscience by deliberately setting those dusty items out for use, but the root of the problem was my dislike for the products and that could not be forced however much I tried.  Seeing these products lay in waste stirred up feelings of angst and guilt at my consumerist hoarding ways.  At the time that I acquired those products, they all seemed so special and necessary; now they just looked sad, excessive and wasteful.

Enter the purge:

Stuff I collected but never used - gave away to new homes

Very old stuff that I neither liked nor missed - Tossed

Stuff I tried, didn't like, and would never have used up even in 3 lifetimes - Tossed

Expired stuff I inherited + a pot of foundation that reeked of chemicals - Tossed!

It was hard letting go of things I once treasured, like letting go of my golden bounty.  I've definitely had moments of greed and allowed a few items to creep back to the keep pile, just "in case I need it one day."  Of course I never really did "need it" nor did I ever miss any of the items I purged; it was all a mental state of "want it, need it, have to have it all."  And man was it euphoric to break that diseased state of mind.

I gave away I items that I enjoyed owning but never would've used.  I emptied out tubes and jars of stuff I have tried and hate and of items that were plain expired, and recycled the containers.  I went on a self-imposed makeup diet to consciously use up products that were merely sitting pretty on my shelves. Bit by bit, I trimmed away the excess.

Some may say this purge itself is waste - throwing away products and giving away perfectly new items that I purchased with my money.  To this, I agree.  If nothing else at all, I want these experiences to be a record of excess and waste to never be repeated again.

The 5 Stages of My Makeup Evolution: Stage 3

After discovering YouTube and the power of makeup, I gradually became obsessed with all things beauty related.  YouTube would be my nightly source of entertainment and it still is today.

Along with the techniques I picked up from watching YouTube tutorials, I also learned about different product types and functions.  Makeup brushes, for example, were something I never knew existed... until YouTube.  I remember one brush in particular being all the rage in 2009: the "skunk" brush a.k.a. the duo-fiber brush.  People touted its ability to blend foundation like a dream, giving an "airbrushed" look, perfect for applying cream blushers, etc.  Slowly but surely, I felt compelled to be an owner of this skunk brush... and countless other beauty items I saw and heard...

In the early stages of my newfound addition to makeup I was still much grounded in practicality.  I knew I didn't know how to use eyeshadows and did not want to buy many of that item.  I also knew I didn't like foundations, so I also refrained from purchasing those items.  What I had a weakness for then, and now, are blushers.  I slowly began to accumulate a new blusher here, and odd blusher there, all the while being conscious of not having too much.

My sense of practicality during this stage also prevented me from buying expensive makeup items.  I was incredulous whenever someone on YouTube "hauls" items from Sephora, say a Nars blush for $28; and I was flat-out flabbergasted when their shopping trip would amount to hundreds of dollars.  It was absolutely absurd to me to spend that much money on makeup.  I was much, much more comfortable with CVS and Wags, and the "poor-people" half of Ulta.

Somewhere between indulging in YouTube and cheap blushers, I discovered CVS' semi-annual makeup clearance event.  Of course the store does this to clear out old items to make room for new products, but back then this was the greatest thing that could've happened!  It was like being in a candy store and all the candies are 75% off!  I indulged and even gorged on products that weren't blushers; eyeshadows, foundations, lipsticks, lip glosses.... If I had to pinpoint a specific event that catapulted me into collecting makeup, it would be the CVS sales.

It didn't take but one or two trips to CVS during the sale for me to outgrow my tiny 3-drawer Sterilite storage system.  At first I was a bit mortified at my behavior, coming home with so much makeup.  But somehow, over time, the rush of having new makeup to swatch and play with overcame whatever practical sense I had in me.  I frequented the drugstores and Ulta more often, though I never ventured to the "rich-people" half of Ulta.  For me the thrill of shopping has always been finding the best bargain for my money; I aim to not pay full price for a lot of things, and makeup was no exception.  So in addition to regular drugstores, I also stalked the beauty sections of discount stores like Big Lots and Dollar Tree, even Marshalls and TJMaxx, always on the hunt for the next makeup bargain.

It's really a gift and a burden then that I am very good at finding bargains.  Almost every outing would result in some fantastic deals on makeup and my collection steadily grew.  Additionally I ransacked my sister's old, unwanted things and added to my collection old makeup that she had forgotten about.  These included a ridiculous amount of cheap gift-with-purchase items that seemed like free gold to me at the time.  I was on a high every time I added something to my collection.

And then it happened: the day I popped my "high-end makeup" cherry and purchased something from the "rich-people" side of Ulta...

The infamous NAKED palette

This was the first makeup item that I bought full-price at $44, and shamefully, it was all because of YouTube.  When this item first came out everyone on YouTube raved and raved about it - it was the best neutral palette, best quality, best colors, best everything; it was the end-all-be-all neutral eyeshadow palette.  To make my lemmings for this palette even worse every store was sold out of this product and even the company had it on backorder.  I actually took mild comfort in it being unavailable because I was convinced no makeup product is worth shelling out $44.  Yet, when I saw this one lone palette in Ulta that day, all my reasonings went out the window and I immediately snatched it off the shelf for fear that someone would beat me to buying it.  I coveted this palette for quite some time, it was so expensive after all; I kept it in its original container and didn't even swatch it because I didn't want to mar the beauty of the palette.

After this purchase I slowly became accustomed to the price of high-end makeup.  Although the high price tag no longer shocked me as it did in the beginning, I was (and am still) a frugal person at heart and did not indulge like the people I watched on YouTube.

But I was no better than them...  What I ended up with was an overflowing amount of makeup, mostly cheap and of poor quality, products that did not suit my style (lipstick) or lifestyle (blue eyeshadow?!).  Consequently, most of these items were hardly ever used.  But at this stage, I wanted it all and needed it all and I had to have it all!

The 5 Stages of My Makeup Evolution: Stage 2

Stage 2: The power of makeup a.k.a. "Makeup can do that?!"

Throughout college and even after graduating I seldom wore makeup.  A big reason for that was because I didn't know how to apply makeup properly.  The other reason was because I was too lazy to take time in making my face presentable.  I had already accepted the fact that pretty was for other girls - those who had the time and knowledge to perfect their natural-born beauty, and that I was not one of those girls.  It wasn't as if I loathed the way I looked; I merely accepted what I looked like and moved on.

That was until one night in 2009 when I stumbled on to this YouTube video by the infamous Michele Phan.

It escapes me now how I stumbled on to this video, but I distinctly remember my utter amazement at her transformation.  I realize now that this video is chock-full of advertisements for Lancome and that there are countless better natural transformation tutorials out there; however this was my first ever video that made makeup look not only beautiful but feasible for someone like me.  Somehow she effortlessly transformed herself into what I have always wanted makeup to do for me but never had the vision or insight to do for myself.  The result was simply natural and beautiful.  I watched and rewatched and showed the video to my sisters and my mom... just in awe of the power of makeup.

YouTube has this nifty feature where it recommends more videos for you based on the one you just watched.  This is nothing new now in 2013, and it wasn't new in 2009, but it was this feature that opened the gates to my newfound addiction: makeup.

In the first few days after discovering the first Michelle Phan video I had combed through and watched all of her tutorials; I probably added a few hundred views to her growing total count!  In addition to her, I also found countless other channels of people talking passionately about makeup and performing jaw-dropping before and after transformation.  Here was an entire community with the same shared obsession over this makeup thing that has just taken me over.  They talked of favorite beauty products, ways to apply, low-cost dupes for expensive items, product reviews, brand reviews, and the list goes on.  It was like someone had taken me to a new world and I was going through the tour of what this new world had to offer.  Just simply by stepping into this YouTube world, I had already changed my thoughts about makeup and its functions.  I knew then, just as I know now, that makeup would never look the same to me again.

The 5 Stages of My Makeup Evolution: Stage 1

Stage 1: Makeup to cover-up

I had always known about makeup.  It had been something that my mom puts on whenever there's a special occasion or pictures to be taken.  My earliest memory of makeup was when I was about 4 or 5 and my parents had my pictures taken.  Back then in my country this was a pretty damn big deal.  My mom donned me in my cleanest dress, neatly coiffed my bird's nest, and as a final touch, she dabbed some blush on my cheeks and some rouge on my lips.  The picture might have looked ridiculous, but I sure felt like a glamourous princess that day.

The next time that I would have makeup on my face was after we moved to the United States.  I was a 9 year old third-grader, freshly planted in an American school surrounded by American boys and girls.  They were anomalies to me as much as I was an anomaly to them.  My lack of English was something else that divided me from everyone else in my class.  Without a way to connect and make friendship, they turned to teasing me about all that is different between me and them - my hair, my skin, my teeth, my nose, and mostly, my eyes.

When people say kids can be cruel, I can only agree wholeheartedly.  The teasing about my Asian eyes were so bad that I distinctly remembered waking up early one morning before school to use my mom's eyeliner to draw on fake creases on my eyelids.  I looked absolutely ridiculous.  So ridiculous that I have blocked out part of that day's memories - I can't recall if I went to school like that or if someone stopped me from that tragedy.  I do remember getting a very embarrassing lecture that night from my father's friend's daughter.  In front of my entire family she lectured me on why I shouldn't be using makeup so young; that no one in elementary school wears makeup and that it's ridiculous to even think about such thing at that age.  Of course looking back she was right; but at the time how I wished she could've experienced my pains at school.

I didn't touch makeup again until  late high-school.  At that time I was still very insecure about myself - my teeth weren't perfect, my eyes weren't big and round like every one else at school, my skin was beginning to go through its acne flares.  During this time makeup was a resource I tried to use to cover up giant angry pimples that always, always, crop up overnight in the middle of my face.  At this point in my life, I had no idea what makeup to use or even how to use it.  I was also ignorant about how clean my face before and after putting on makeup, which probably contributed to the sprouting of many more pimples.

Even when I got to college, makeup really didn't make sense.  I knew what pretty looked like on other people but never imagined myself to have the capacity to look as pretty, so makeup was "pretty" but useless.  For special occasions and such I did put on makeup, but not in any way that looked good.  Two products that I remember using that now make me shudder violently:

Maybelline Mineral Power Liquid Foundation

This disaster of a foundation made my already oily skin extra, extra greasy.  Half an hour in to wearing it, my face would become so shiny and reflective.  In addition, a gross oily + powder film would transfer to anything that touched my face.  But never did I question why my face was felt so gross or looked like I'd dunk it in a vat of vaseline; I just assumed that was how all makeup felt.  I had no idea what my skin type was or how to accomodate it.  Powder over your foundation?  What for?!  I was cluelessly slathering this sh*t on my face whenever I felt the need to wear makeup; the only saving grace is that I didn't wear it very often.

Maybelline Great Lash Mascara

This was the first mascara I ever bought, and the only mascara I ever owned for a very long time.  It was in every beauty magazine I ever flipped through, winning all these awards for all these years.  I figured if it stuck around for 4 decades, it must be a fantastic product.  False!  I realize now that this mascara is the crappiest of crap mascara on the market, doing absolutely nothing good and everything bad to my lashes.  It didn't add any volume or length; it didn't hold a curl.  Whatever product I put on my lashes made them droopy, and gave me the worst raccoon eyes ever.  I despise this product and I despise all the ads that claim it to be anything but crap.  But at the time, I thought that's how all mascaras were supposed to be...

During this stage of my makeup evolution, I was pretty much Oblivious Olivia.  I had no clue about skincare (it's actually a miracle that I even knew to wash my face back then!), what my skin type is, what colors suited me, how to use makeup, why to use certain products... I used products blindly (or based on magazine suggestions) to hide myself; all the particulars about makeup that is so wonderful completely escaped me.  It was merely a way to cover up.

Forgotten memories: A black banana

One late September day in 2012 my labmate and I were heading home.  We sat next to each other on the bus and I had my bookbag on my lap.  As we were idly chatting, I fumbled around in the front mesh compartment of my bookbag, not really looking to find anything of importance.  Lo and behold, my fingers felt something flat and hard with a texture that I can't describe.  With no idea what laid in my bookbag, I pulled out a flattened black banana in front of everyone in the crowded bus.

When I first discovered this black banana I couldn't stop laughing.  Seriously, how long did this banana stay in my bag before it got to this blackened state?  I then remembered that a few weeks/months before this discovery, my bag had a strange smell that I couldn't identify nor could the source be found.  I remembered sniffing my bag inside and out, and couldn't find anything - I figured it was a residual smell of the many lunches I've carried in this bag.  Boy was I wrong!  I presume that even at that time the banana must've already turned black and camouflaged itself in my dark navy bookbag; I'd like to think I could've spotted this banana if it was till yellow...

Not only was this banana black as night, it was stiff as wood.  But then the mystery question... what happened to all the banana goo?  Presumably being in the front outermost of my bookbag this thing would've endured a lot of pressure, hence why it's so flattened... but where did all the banana inside go?  My bag was not covered in any banana residue, and neither did this thing...

My hypothesis on what happened: This was a banana I took from home to eat at school.  It must have been still under-ripe because I wouldn't have put it in my bookbag otherwise.  I forget to eat this piece of fruit and it goes unnoticed for the next few days.  Because I forget that there's a banana in the front of my bookbag, I haphazardly throw my bag any which way as I do normally.  This gradually puts pressure on the banana to flatten slowly without having the entire thing explode in my bag.  Eventually the slow process of adding pressure to it makes the banana completely flattened and dried, hence why I was able to detect some smell but not have any goo or mold in my bag.  As for how long it took for the banana to get that black, I have no idea.... weeks, months?  Who knows for how long I had it in my bag?

The disgust of what had just happened really didn't hit me until I went home.  My poor friend who was probably really disgusted with my discovery, as well as all the people on the bus who probably thought I was the biggest slob... I can only wish that I had made this discovery in the privacy of my own home without any witnesses.

As a measure of cruel and unusual punishment, I blindfolded H and challenged him to guess the black banana based on feel.  He was quite puzzled at the item until he got to the banana stem and immediately ripped off his blindfold to scream "WTF!"

Glasses & glosses

What does a pair of cheap reader glasses and 2 glosses (technically 1 gloss and 1 lip balm) have in common?  H purchased them for me from Walmart one Friday night while we were out shopping for a wedding card to go with the wedding gift we were going to give the next morning.  

The readers are +1.00 magnification, but they don't really work.  See, my normal vision is fine - better than perfect, in fact.  I bought them in anticipation of being called for jury duty in  a few weeks......  I was going to go into more details why, but the paranoid schizo on my shoulder is advising I talk about makeup instead....

In every major superstore I visit, a walkthrough of the beauty aisles is a necessary requirement.  It's a ritual that if skipped will leave me feeling anxious, empty, and irritated.  

So Walmart was no exception - I had to peruse through their makeup/beauty section.  And to my delight I found the new Maybelline Baby Lips in Melon Mania.  I had been looking for the new ones since last year and never found it.  I should have figured, of course, that the product I was looking for would be in the store I don't go to very often, if at all.  Not gonna lie, a tiny kid inside me did a little Flintstone kick when I spotted this.  Yabba dabba doo!

Then.... I spotted the new L'oreal Shine Caresse Stain.  This insignificant, meaningless little thing caused me to have a huge fight with myself in the middle of Walmart.  If my inner selves were recorded on mic, it would go something like this:

Id: O man! That's the new lip stains!  How nice does it look! How wonderful if I could own it!

Ego: It's all packaging.  They make it new and shiny so that I'll want to buy it.  Don't fall for the trap!

Id: It's so shiny!  And it's going to feel great on my lips and leave this glossy stain that will make me look like a superstar!

Ego: Get real - no lip product can make anyone a superstar.  It's probably not going to be glossy and the stain will probably fade quicker than I can return it.  And it's probably so drying my lips will shed sheets of skin.  Remember the incident last November when I needed medical help?

Id: I don't have anything like this, and I really want it, really really bad.  How satisfying would it be to just buy it and have it as my own, when I've lusted over it for so many weeks!

Ego: But I already have so many lip products!  And I already found the Baby Lips - I can't possibly add more.  Let's be good and stick to our plan of not over-indulging.

Id, turned Gollum: It's so shiny!  We wants it! WE WANTS IT NOW!

The super-ego, always the silent mediator, wise but not infallible, listened to both sides intensely.  

Super-ego: I have many lip products, but none the same as this new one.  It's true that I have lusted over this for a few weeks now, which means I won't soon forget about it.  And if I don't get it now, I'll be thinking about how and when to get it in the future, which will be unpleasant for all concerned.  So, I get to pick out one to take home.  And if H is treating, then I am still being good and not indulging myself; he is indulging me!

In the end, of course, the id was very satisfied and the ego was appeased, and I got to go home with a shiny new Caresse Stain in Pink Rebellion.  And all slept very peacefully that night... until the morning when we realized we did not have enough wrapping paper for the wedding gift!

Pin-fluenced: Mod Podge collage

This was a project I embarked on sometime last year... usually I can remember the month or even the season of an event, but for this I just can't pin down a time more specific than 2012.  

The idea originated from Bits of Everything and it seemed so doable.  Aside from feasibility, this idea was also a cheap idea - always a bonus when trying to survive on a student stipend.  Seriously, for a multi-photo frame of this size, I'd have to cut groceries for a month!

Project supplies from Walmart

1. Two black 20x30in foam boards: $2.88/each
2. Two foam brushes: $1/each
3. Mod Podge Matte (recommended over the glossy one): $7
4. 48 photos I swiped from mom's photo albums
5. Command adhesive strips for mounting: $5 (?)

Mod-podging

I began the project by cutting the 4x6 photos into the 4x4 size.  Originally I planned to by a fancy paper cutter that makes neat cuts because my scissor skills are much a-lacking.  But then, being the cheapskate that I am, I took the photos to work and used the lab's industrial size cutter.  There were some weird stares and questions, but hey - you gotta do what you gotta do!

The next part was quite tricky, and if I had thought about it beforehand, I might have not done the project at all... it was good then that I don't think too far in advance.  For the collage to not look like it was done by my 5-year-old nephew, it was necessary to measure out, inch by inch, how far the pictures will be from each other and from the edges.  I worked out that from the edge to the picture is 0.5 inch, and from picture to picture is 1 inch, and proceeded to lightly score the foam boards in pencil.

Next was the actual mod-podging.  I began by applying a thin layer of mod-podge on the foam board itself, no pictures.  I reasoned with myself that this extra layer will help the board from warping.  As this layer dried, I placed weights, i.e. canned goods, on the edges of the board to help it dry flat.

Then it was on to the pictures.  I've never mod-podge before and had to go on a limb trusting the original blog that painting glue over my pictures wasn't going to ruin them.  For the first few pictures, I painted the glue on the scored square where the picture was going to go.  This worked out well to adhere the picture to the board... but then I got lazy.  Instead of painting an even layer for the entire surface of the photo, I only painted enough so the picture stuck to the board.  This shortcut would cost me later on...

After all the photos were secured on the board, I mod-podge all over it all the while hoping that I didn't just destroy my pictures.  Again, the canned goods served to help the board dry flat.  The cost of the shortcut I mentioned earlier?  Bubbles.  Bubbles that formed between the board and my picture because the pictures weren't 100% flattened to the board.  All because I was too lazy to paint the entire surface of a 4x4 square.  ARG!  It's not too terribly noticeable; most people can't even tell... but it could've been just *perfect* if I hadn't cut some corners.  That's the annoying lesson here.

Mounting by my very own handyman

In the end I still love the collage.  In our old apartment the collage was mounted above our couch.  Now the collage fills an otherwise empty wall in the hallway from the front door to the kitchen.  Every now and then I catch myself stopping to admire the smiling faces of my little ones and my family.  I can say that I remember all the moments from which every single photo was captured; I took the photo after all.  One of my favorites of all time is of my outing to the park with little M when he was about 3 years old.  I felt bad for him because his brother and sister got to go to school, but M was cooped at home.  So to the park we went.  At that time he was still just a baby and did everything I asked.  I asked him to pose on a rock in the park and M climbed up and sat there for me.  Asked for a smile and he forces an unnaturally straight, though still very adorable, grin on his face, just enough to show his dimple.  That is my very favorite picture of M.

Having these photos up is more than just home decor; it's a reminder of the good memories I've had with my family.  It's these good times that help liven me up when I'm homesick.  It's these memories that remind me of my awesome and beautiful family.

Forgotten memories: For sale in H-Mart

One of my tasks I'd like to tackle this year is the de-cluttering of my photo folders - in my current computer, in my old computer, in backup files, in backup of backup files, in backup of backups of backup files.... aye aye aye.  As an avid enthusiast of photography, I tend shoot a lot of pictures with the righteous intention of going through to select the best ones, but this has been rarely the case.  I am a hoarder of not only makeup, but also pictures.

To compound the problem, I've gone through 3 computer changes, each holding it's own set of pictures, plus the backup of the set of pictures from the previous computer.  Then H also backs up my stuff for me, which is awfully nice of him... but I got comfortable and didn't do any maintenance.  My filing "system" is inefficient as there are too many duplicates of photos and folders that I can't keep track of it anymore.  It will be a long overhaul, but What I would like is to end up with a single set of folders of good quality photos, that I can then use to back up consistently.

It's not a task that will get done overnight, so I'm going through bit by bit.  And along the way, I've already discovered some gems that I've stored with the intention of sharing but were forgotten in the shuffle.

Here is a set of photos taken from H-Mart, a very popular Korean grocery store and also the only decent Asian grocery store where I live.

Live crabs!
I wondered why this sign was necessary... Was it because some idiot was stupid enough
to pick this up with their hands and got pinched? 

A very phallic ginger root.

A bargain at $1.49/lb!  Should've picked some up to see how it tastes - haven't
spotted (spotted - get it?) them since!

Supposedly makes a drinker horny?  Would there be a synergistic effect if both
parties drank it simultaneously?

Moldy Tofu!

Pin-fluenced: Lasagna soup

Soups and bread are my Achille's heel.  If bread makes me weak in the knees, soup and bread makes me keel over in ecstasy.  So when I stumbled on to this recipe for lasagna soup on Pinterest, there was no question that it was going to get made in my kitchen.

Ingredients:
- Ground beef
- Canned tomatoes
- Tomato paste
- Vegetables (onions, zuchini, bell peppers...)
- Broth
- Lasagna noodles
-Spices... pretty much whatever's in the pantry
-Parmesan cheese
-Basil

What to do:

1. Brown the meat & drain the fat.  Add in onions & vegetables.  Add spices (Italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, salt, pepper... whatever else suits the mood)
2. Add in half a can of tomato paste and cook until everything melds together.
3. Pour in the can of diced tomatoes and the canned broth.  Add about 2 cans of hot water to make it very soupy.  Turn on the heat and let the pot come to a boil.
4. Break in lasagna noodles.  Simmer for 20-30 minutes until sauce is thickened and pasta is cooked through.
5. Stir in parmesan & basil.
6. Enjoy with a crusty slice of bread!

Art Nouveau or Art BS?

What's the definition of intelligence?  Altruism?  How about something we encounter almost everyday - art? I have a hard time putting together definitions/descriptions for these plus countless other things.  Supreme Court Justice Potter Steward said it best in his definition of pornography: "I know it when I see it."  Truly I may not have all the descriptors that would comprehensively define an intelligent perston, but I could surely point one out if I see one.

Does art, good art, also fall into this category of things we recognize when we see it?  Maybe, maybe not.  Bad art, though, I think we can all agree on, surely.

This gem was at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts: a piece of stretched canvas that looked like someone sloppily went over it a few times with a black paint roller and then crudely framed it with unfinished wood.

I found a similar piece in the Museum of Modern Art in San Francisco, though this piece was much larger and evenly coated in black.  I observed a man stare intently at it for what looked like hours.  Is that how it works?  That's how you're supposed to do it?  Like a little monkey, I also stood there and stared (and had my friend snapped my intense gaze)... but alas, it was still just a large piece of canvas covered in black paint, and that was all.

The theme I seem to run across with these is size - the larger the more "art-y"? These were pieces of wood (?) cut in different rectangles and then painted.  How is it modern?  How is it art?  Perhaps the colors have some significance that I don't understand...

... But then, what is the meaning of this little number?  Even without paint it looks like something I could fashion out of construction paper, tape and ruler in a pinch.  Here my friend is straining hard to understand the meaning of the work.

This "installation" was also at the VFMA, simply entitled "Buddha."  The description reads:

Here a stone Buddha head from Indonesia, partially embedded in dirt and signed dramatically across the back by Paik in Chinese and english, appears to observe itself on television.  A live image of the unchanging head is continuously relayed to the monitor by the closed-circuit camera on the tripod.  The Buddha thus generates and receives its own image in an infinite temporal loop, updating the act of contemplation for the age of technology.

No words can adequately describe my confusion for this work. 

This is my favorite piece out of them all, also a hidden gem from the MOMA in SF.  Two blank canvases with a black border.

The importance of the viewer's perception to the asthetic value of a work of art is a signficiant feature of Jo Baer's minimalism and is subtly apparent in this painted diptych.  Narrow black bands of paint trace the edges of both canvases and contrast sharply with the monochromatic white fields, creating painted frames which are themselves shadowed by a thin band of blue.  Sandwiched between the black and white, the blue flouresces, making the black blacker and white whiter.  Through this gestait effect viewers are made aware of how their optical experiences contribute to the physical presence of the painting.

Whaaaa???  Two blank canvases bordered by black and blue.  Seriously, how is this considered art, and modern art at that?  Is it modern because it's blank, and no one expects modern art to be blank?  It seems almost like size is the only determining factor in what makes it "art" - would I also be able to "show" in an art museum if I had enough money to buy two enormous blank canvases?  What optical experiences am I supposed to have?  And what is the physical presence of the painting other than comedy for someone like me or resentment for some bloke who had to pay to see this?

With no art training, crude tastes and a inclination for pragmatism, I am the first to plead ignorance in art museums.  I know there people who "get" these paintings - like the man lost in thought at the black canvas.  Perhaps I should've asked him for his insight - maybe I would've learned something, or maybe I would've face-palmed in front of him.  Perhaps it was wise to not take that chance then and there.

Lessons from my diet

With regards to my makeup diet of 2012, overall I am very satisfied with my progress at working through my beauty stash.  Somehow it helps to collect the items and show it off - it's a way to make my goal tangible and so helps me stick to it.  A few things I've learned about my addiction through this self-inflicted challenge:

1. It takes me forever + an aeon to finish a product, even if that product is a teensy eensy sample. Unless I can eat it, it will take a long time to die.  
2. Quality over quantity, any day, any time.  Just because a product is cheap doesn't mean I need to snag it, and just because a product is expensive does not mean it will do miracles for me.  Using up an item for the sake of using it up wasn't very enjoyable.  Sure I got satisfaction from emptying a container and tossing it into my empties box, but the act of using up a dud is very tiresome!  In the end, I want to have fewer products that I love using rather than endless duds that I have to work to get through.
3. I don't need multiples of any product.  Not only does it take me a long time to work through an item, I find myself getting sick of using the same thing over and over again, especially when newer and better things are always looming in the market.  
4. "Limited Edition" is really a gimmick to make consumers feel the need to buy the item before it's gone.  Nothing is really "Limited Edition" because newer products are always on the horizon to dupe said limited edition product or even enhance it.  I mustn't get suckered into "Limited Edition" labels.
5. Holding on to products for the sake of having them is useless and a step towards Hoarders.  Why hold on to stuff I know I won't use?!  It's gotten easier to get throw away expired products, but I still need to work on paring down items that I don't enjoy using and those that are just poor quality.  
6. It feels good to let go of items that I can't throw away or use up by giving it to other people.  In addition to my diet, I've also gone through my stash and given away products that I had accumulated and never used.   All these items went into a bag which I left in my student lounge for my fellow classmates; the bag was empty within a day.  I also did this with a lot of clothing and house belongings that I no longer use/need.  This purge, if nothing else, has taught me to let go of things that I don't use so that those things might be used and enjoyed by somebody else.
7. Putting effort into how I present myself to the world is not vain.  I love makeup and all things beauty related, and it's okay to spend 5 minutes in the morning enhancing my features.  After all, why have so much makeup if I don't use it and don't enjoy using it?!

The purge of 2012 has allowed me to shed the bulk of the unnecessary baggage that I was holding on to.  For the future, I expect slower progress as I work through my products, i.e. slower accumulations of empties.  I do want to continue to record those because the strange high I get at seeing an emptied product helps me stay focused.   I don't want to put myself on a strict no-buy like I did for the first diet attempt because at this stage of the diet, the focus is on maintenance.  So as long as I don't gorge myself to the state of my collection at the beginning of 2012, I think it would be okay to treat myself to something I lusted over.

Pin-fluenced: Seasons of Love

During last spring when I was knee-deep in lectures and tests, Pinterest was my solace (and maybe also my demise).  Inspirations abounded - recipes for muffins, soups, all things homemade, dyi projects... it was an endless sea of distractions seemed like so much more fun than reading a Cell paper for class.

At that time, one of the most popular pins was the "365 Days of Happiness" painting by QiQi.  

The freshness and ease of the art appealed to me - the high price-tag of $365 did not.  Seriously Etsy sellers?!  I understand that artistic talents are rare and to be valued, that its hard to make a living as an artist, that every piece is born out of the labor of love... but $365?  

As a frugal (and resourceful) graduate student in need of some apartment decor and much inspired by the painting I stumbled on Pinterest, I decided it was going to be my project for 2012.  "If I couldn't accomplish anything else except this painting for the entire 2012 year, I would consider 2012 a success" - I announced this to anyone who would listen.  

Supplies were collected in various trips to Michael's Crafts Store and Wal-Mart during March 2012.  Then one day, out of the blue, when I least planned to paint, my project came to life.

Project supplies

1. Paint roller: $3
2. Four 12 x 24 stretched canvas: $30 total
3. Various acrylic paints: ~$15
4. Cheapo paint brushes: $4

I also bought plastic material to protect the carpet of my apartment - a wise $2 investment as my paint roller definitely skipped off the canvas several times.

Background done

The first order of business was to lay down the foundation on the canvas.  I liked the color scheme of the original painting and wanted to match it, but it came out a bit more vibrant than I would have preferred.  Getting the gradient going was tricky.  In my first attempt with the pink panel, I began with the most saturated end and lightened the hue with a combination of water and white paint.  Alas, the panel was too short and my paint roller had too much pigment left that the canvas looked all the same color.  With much effort in rinsing out the roller and mixing white painting with the pink, I managed to make it less stark as the bottom end.  For the other three panels I learned my lesson and started at the lighter end and worked my way to the darker end.  Ironically the part I had imagined to be the easiest/fastest turned out to require the most time and effort.  In the end, I think I gave up trying to make the colors blend better; I would have preferred a better gradient with the colors being more muted and subdued, but nevertheless, the project continued.

Using a disposable dish as a paint tray

After the background finished drying, I began my favorite part - painting in the trees and leaves.  I also thought this part was a cinch since I doodle flowers and leaves all the time, and truly this part was most enjoyable.  However, the black acrylic paint I had was part of a kit and the texture was very thick - it did not lend it self to creating fluid tree limbs that I had imagined.  Instead this thick paint skipped every few centimeters, causing me to re-paint the line, which made limbs that looked thick and unnatural.  Note to self: don't count on the black acrylic paint in cheap kits from Wal-Mart to create the centerpiece of your painting.  I ended up buying another black acrylic paint and going over the limbs again to make it look more fluid.

Limbs and birds done

On my kitchen table adding in leaves 

Leaves were painted by mixing colors of the same scheme together.  This part was very easy and intuitive to me, though I made a boo-boo with the random leaf at the neck of the main tree trunk.  I tried covering it up with other paints but the dark color wouldn't allow it.

More leaves

After painting in all the leaves, I still felt something was missing so I went back with white paint and created small flowers with petals the same pattern as the leaves.  This filled in some of the empty spaces and made the painting more lively to me.

The completed project 

I also painted a thin layer of clear varnish over the finished panels to protect the acrylic from deteriorating over time and to provide some gloss. 

H kindly mounted my proud achievement on the wall 

The completion of my project took the entire day - I started in the early afternoon and was still painting in leaves and flowers by midnight.  Though not perfect and impeccable as the one by QiQi, I'm quite happy every time at the finished results.  The quirks in it are less and less apparent as the sum of the whole is really a product of love.  And I suppose if success was measured by my grossly shortsighted list of accomplishments for 2012, then last year was a total success!

Post-holiday indulgences

Mega-massive, out-of-control, over-indulgence

When it comes to buying makeup I am like a squirrel - I buy one or two items here and there, all spread over a long period of time.  And usually it's with cheaper items that go on sale at the drugstore or on clearance at Target.  I've never gone full crazy like I did this past month, especially with this many higher-end products at one time.  Looking at the haul overall actually makes me a little woozy!

It's especially tempting during the holiday season when companies entice women with kits and special packaging.  And of course stores have signs everywhere advertising special promotions and "must-get" deals.  I was pretty self-restrained during the entire season, talking myself out of purchases.  However, ll my good behavior went out the window after Christmas.  It seemed as though the stores knew I was coming and was planting these irresistible items right in front of me, at prices I've never seen before... so I  splurged.

From Ulta

1. Urban Decay All Nighter spray: I've been dying to try this forever, especially with my oil-slick of a face.  This bottle was the XL size, and it was 50% off!
2. Laura Geller Femme Fatale kit:  I've tried Laura Geller powders before and was so pumped to get this kit at 50% off!  My obsessions with face powder and blush is happily satiated with this purchase.
3. Stila Blush: What can I say, I can't resist blushes, especially ones from Stila, and especially when they're on clearance.
4. Bare Minerals duo:  This was sitting on a stand in the middle of Ulta, all by its lonesome.  I was so surprised that no one had snagged this up before I got to it.  And I even expected that people had dipped their dirty fingers in the product and left it behind.  But to my surprise, it was brand-spanking new!  At $8, I could not pass this up.
5. Essence polish:  I didn't intend to buy this, but I had to get something small so that I could reach my dollar limit for the coupon to apply, so this was the winner.  It's actually impressive for $2.
6. Covergirl & Olay cream blushes x3:  I love blushes, and I love cheap deals, and this 2 things combined make me really, really giddy.  I first read reviews about this from nouveaucheap (one of my favorite blogs), and was intrigued especially since she also has oily skin and claimed that it was very long-wearing.  Intrigued as I was, I was not going to shell out $13 for this product.  So, to snag these up at $1.50 each was the greatest high.  Seriously.

From The Body Shop

I've never purchased anything from The Body Shop - I was intrigued by what they offered, but always thought they were too overpriced, snobbish even.  That's why they have to entice customers with constant deals and promotions, and these were always not good enough for me.  Until, of course, December 17, which I learned is the free shipping day for most online retailers.  That day they had their products at 3 for $30, which was more than 50% off regular price for most items, and shipping was free.  If there's one thing that I vehemently avoid, it's paying shipping - especially when the shipping is as much as what I want to buy!  So of course I couldn't pass it up.   What I ended up with is pretty neutrals, exactly what my tastes are.  To the untrained eye, the three products might look like they would be all the same colors, but to my obsessed eyes everything has subtle differences that warrant me keeping all three!  Hah!

From Sephora:

I love Sephora - I visit it every chance I get, and I browse their website daily.  But I don't buy a whole lot from there because it is expensive!  They have a reward program where every dollar I spend translates to one beauty point, which can then be redeemed for freebies... I've always had less than 100 points with them, though these purchases might have put me over.  

As a loyalty perk, Sephora gave me a $15 off $50 coupon, which I happily applied towards the Amazing Grace Layering set.  I've sprayed this perfume on my wrist every time I pass by it, and would end up sniffing my wrist for the entire day.  The set makes it a better buy, and the coupon made it irresistible.  I also got a cheap nail polish to make my purchase qualify to the dollar amount.

Then, just when I thought I was done with Sephora, they advertised an additional 20% off their sale items.  Before when I said I browse Sephora's website, I should specify that I browse their sale page... like a hawk.  But nothing was enticing enough to put me over the edge, until one day, while casually browsing their sale page again, I spotted the Bare Minerals The Star Treatment palette... *gasp*... for $20... *gulp*... it must be mine!  It's a beautiful mirrored palette with buttery, shimmery neutrals - what's not to love?  As it sits in front of me now, I almost don't want to touch it and ruin the perfection that is this palette.  The Star Treatment?  Go ahead!  Make me a star!

Because of my hate for shipping charges, I also got some things extra that I've been eyeing, but had not taken the plunge.  This included the Kat Von D Star Crossed palette, and a pink powder brush, both of which were 50% off!

From the Target, CVS, and Walgreens:

As if Ulta and Sephora weren't enough, I even got things from the drugstores.  Good ol' drugstores, where you really have to hunt for the diamond in the rough.  

While browsing for after-Christmas decoration deals in Target, I wandered to the beauty aisles.  Rule # 74: No trip to Target is every complete without a quick walk-through of the beauty section... because you never know what will be on clearance!  Case in point, I stumbled on the Revlon bronzer for $3.48, and it was immediately in my cart.  I don't really know how to use bronzers, and I don't know that I actually need it, already being Asian, but I've been intrigued by this product for some time now, and at 70% off I can afford to experiment with it.

At CVS, a lot of beauty items were on clearance for 75% off.  I've been through these sales in the past and have gone a little nutty then, but I've learned to be more restrained and picky.  This time around, I picked up four of the Milani Holographic polishes, plus the Wet n Wild mini polish set.  I've had my eyes on the holographic polishes for ages now, but refused to spend full price for them.  Patience is a virtue because each of the holographic polish, and the entire Wet n Wild set, were each $1.50.  Score!

The only place where I did not get any deals or discounts was at Walgreens, or as I fondly refer to it, Wags.  I went in because it was across from the CVS, but I left with a Maybelline Color Tattoo in Inked in Pink, a Jordana Fabuliner, and a Jordana Mascara.  The Color Tattoo was something I had been searching for as this color is a new release and not all stores have it.  I hope the pink will be fantastic with the Bare Minerals duo I got from Ulta.  Then the 2 Jordana eye products are cheap items that have rave reviews, and I've never tried them because Jordana is only sold at Wags... so naturally they had to go home with me!

***

Whew!  That was a lot.  The squirrel inside of me will have a lot of goodies to enjoy for a quite a long time.  Merry belated Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Birthday to me!

Happy 2013!

It's really just an arbitrary date to reset the calendar, yet why does the first of the year give us such feelings of hope and refreshment?  If it's the feeling of putting the past behind and having a clean slate, then why do we not celebrate the beginning of each month, or every Monday for that matter?  I guess it would be kind of ridiculous if there was a party the size of NYE in NYC every month...

Though I recognize that it's an arbitrary date change and that it's just another day, I welcome the feelings of hope and change that today brings for 2013.  Normally with the first of the year comes resolutions for the rest of the year.  For 2013, however, I will not make any, as it is high time that I accept who I am realize that I will abandon them come February.  Seriously, if I can't be honest with myself, then with whom can I be honest?  No resolutions for 2013, but reflections for is in order 2012.

Regarding my academic progress, I am now half way into my 2nd graduate year, and so far things have  been much less stressful compared to last year.  Around this time last winter, I was drowning in worry and fear over whether or not I passed my classes.  I had a repeat of those feelings in the spring of 2012 when I barely passed my Cell Signaling and Pathways class with a B-, the lowest you can go without failing... not my best moments.  In the spring of 2012, I also had Advanced Topics in Human Genetics, a class solely devoted to diving deeper into all that is genetics... a class that I should've passed with flying colors.  Yet, I also managed to score a pathetic 76% on the midterm, which landed me in the bottom 4 out of 10 people in my class... I'd say that was one of the lowest lows of 2012, when the lead professor asked us four to stay back after class to discuss our low grades... the disappointment could not be compared.  I redeemed myself with the final and did well in the class overall, but it was tougher than I expected.

After that class ended in April, we first years were pretty much home-free.  I settled into my thesis lab and worked on my project full time.  In the lab, I managed to follow a new manufactured protocol for Next Generation Sequencing with 24 indexes which no one in the lab has done before.  To be honest, I still don't know how I pulled it off, and I still worry that my sequences are contaminated... even though we have gotten our sequence reads back and the depth/coverage of them is pretty spectacular.  That was one much needed victory after the ATHG fiasco.

I had to do a MAJOR amount of PCR and gels for my project.  Even my boss was impressed with these beauties!

June brought oral comprehensive/qualifying exams for the second year, and I got stressed out watching them study and go through it.  It motivated me to start gathering study materials for my upcoming exam, and I even entertained the thought of studying as early as last summer for mine.... it didn't happen, of course.  June also brought the start of summer internships, where extreme academic overachievers sign on to work in the lab during their summer vacation in order to extend their CVs and better their chances  to get into Ivy Leagues and whatnot.  I mock them, but I was one of them, so it's okay.  This year our lab had 2 interns, one who just finished her freshman year of college, and one who was getting ready for her senior year of high-school.  It seems like they're getting smarter younger every year!  I was in charge of the high-schooler, maybe because she's so young she could better withstand my corruption?  In all seriousness, she was really impressive and knew and learned how to do things that I wouldn't have imagined my high-school self to be even interested in.  She successfully finished her project in the course of 8 weeks and went on to give a poster presentation about it for her program.  I recently heard from her early in December that she had gotten in to Harvard, so I must not have corrupted her that badly.

The summer of 2012 brought a trip to Bar Harbor, Maine sponsored by our program for the 53rd Annual Short Course on Medical and Experimental Mammalian Genetics.  My 9 classmates and I were to stay in one house and attend this intensive enrichment course in the mornings, afternoons, and evening lectures.  In reality, we made every effort to attend the morning lectures from 8:30-12:30, then skipped out during the afternoon lectures for excursions on the island, and then came back sleepy for the evening lecture from 7:30-9:00.  It was great to be immersed in genetics and in that environment, though I most thoroughly enjoyed our excursions so much more.

Chilling on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean in Bar Harbor, Maine.

August and September came and went without a hitch.  No classes, no exams, just lab and home.  I had a chance to experiment with a lot of recipes, which H, for better or for worse, got to experience with me.

October brought new changes for both of us as we moved in together into a more spacious apartment, and he changed jobs and states of residency.  I used to be against living together before marriage, but my notions have changed over time.  I sometimes miss sleeping in a big bed all by myself, but in truth it's a small cost of always having my best friend with me.

All I remember for November is the trip to San Francisco and the election.  Everything else is a blur - I have no idea where November went, even now.

December brought merriments and a lot of writing.  I really wanted to write all the things that I had put on the back burner during 2012 before the new year hits.  Out of the 15 posts that I planned to write, 13 were written and published before today.... not bad with my record.  A few things I learned as I rushed to write these posts:

1. I enjoy writing, and I enjoy having a record of my "moments" in words and pictures.
2. Most of the things I wrote about are related to food or beauty/makeup.  Perhaps I should consider changing the aim of my blog to just these 2 themes, because they are the things I enjoy writing about most.  I also realized that constant writing of beauty and food topics might make me out to have exceptional beauty or exceptional weight issues... I have neither of these things (for now...)
3. I want to write more.  Even if my posts are imperfect in articulation or imagery, they are better than not having any to read back on, so I should not be afraid of imperfections.

Indeed 2012 was a beautiful year, and I have great hopes for 2013.
Cheers!